Jessica.
22.
Teacher.
Hello Kitty.
Manchester United.
Khekster.
My Kettle. <3

You can mail me at:
jessi_078@hotmail. com

blogging in sch now.
coz im waiting for dat prize presentation.
haiz.
realli feel so empty.
i juz wan to get home now.
or go elsewhere to shop or smth.
to be exact,
i juz wan to leave this place.

i dont noe y
but i dont feel good.
i feel so lost.
lost all my motivation all my drive.
i juz wan to catch some breath.
i need time n peace
to sit down and clear my thoughts.

i would say my life is all messed up.
EVERYTHING.
there're so many things waiting for me to do
but i refused.
i cant feel the energy i used to haf
to do all my work n handle all stuffs.
perhaps im tired.
im too tired to carry on.
i feel so useless.
everyone is moving on so well
but here i am complaining.
i dont wan to.
i feel the need for a break.
but time waits for no one.
if i stop for a break,
even a short break,
i would need a lot more energy
to catch up.
n it would be even more tiring to do dat.
so i juz haf to force myself,
realli force myself.

motivation.
where have u gone?
encouragements.
where have u gone?
perseverence.
where have u gone?

no worries.
i believe im strong enuf to handle
all these obstacles in life.
moreover,
i haf my dearest frenz wif me.
i thank them for always being dere for me,
n i promise i'll be dere for them too.

dearies,
lets GAMBATTE!
luv u all ya.
muacks.

3:52 PM ·

haha.

2:33 AM ·

i dont noe how i shld start off this entry.
but i juz noe i haf feelings which i wish to express.

i feel so argh..
its so hard to describe dat kind of feeling.
imagine u received one v sudden msg frm one of ur closest fren
it goes like this :
"i hate jessica.
i realli do.
she sucks.
lets find a blangadash and fuck her."

WOW.
im sure u would be v amazed right.
i dont noe y this msg would land in my hands
but sumhow or another,
perhaps send wrongly or wad,
it ended up wif me.

i had sum arguments wif this fren of mine a wk ago
n for the past few daes our r/s was rather cold.
but at least it didnt boil wadsoever.
cold but peaceful.
so i told myself i should juz let dat matter fade
n u noe,
get back to how we used to be.

den i received this shocking msg.
how am i supposed to react?
smile?
cry?
flare up?
i realli dont noe.
bt to be honest,
i feel hurt.

i tot we were v gud frenz back then.
we survived the sleepless nights
chiong-ing projects tgt,
we had so much fun at her hse n my hse doing projs,
we enjoyed the times we play a fool n
laugh n talk like deres no one ard,
we take train tgt to sch,
we chiong cab down tgt to sch,
we rush to class tgt n always end up getting a big 0 by tk,
we nv fail to haf fun everydae.

i tot the argument was juz smth so small it
wont affect our frenship.
but i understand frenz do quarrel n dats
how they treasure each other more.
so i tot dat argument dat dae was one of them.
i didnt expect it to turn out this way.
i realised its smth dat serious when
she actualli used ugly words on me.

i dont noe how many of u can realli
understand wad im going thru now.
i may appear as if i treat this as smth light
and i realli tot so too at first.
but when i realised i juz cant stop tinking abt dat msg
n i cant get to slp,
i knew deep in my heart dat
im seriously affected by this.

mayb there were lots of things which ive
done wrongly dat made her
so unhappy wif me.
i dont noe wads on her mind
n so i dont noe wad she likes/dislikes
me to do etc.

its 4.26am.
tmr gotta wake up at 8am.
wad a torturous night.
i juz wan peace.
P-E-A-C-E.

3:29 AM ·

life's been a lil upside down for me.
but i guess im handling it well.
coz i still enjoy each n everidae of my life.

jin li is now my new gf !!!
haha.
dont ask y am i on such gd terms wif her now.
its all back to my
"huan nan jian zhen qing" again.
n im so glad jinli, bel n i hav passed the interview
n we are heading down to XIAMEN tgt!
hooray!
i believe despite the fact dat we haf to carry pipes over dere,
im sure i'll still enjoy myself coz my loved ones are wif me!

i tend to tink alot especially at night when im all alone.
and i do reflections every night.
for tonight,
i praised myself for the hardwork ive put in
to make myself happier.

these few daes ive been spending it wif my loved ones.
n they realli made me v happy.
i enjoy shopping+slacking+eating+ coffee-ing wif them.
all these make me forget all my worries
n i always hate to leave them at the end of the day.
though we'll see each other the next dae,
but still,
i cant even bear to not see them for dat few hours.
these few daes these ppl haf made me realli happy
n i wan to thank them so much for addding colours to my life!
they are: annabel.jinli.weiting.cindytan.
been hanging out wif them recently
and we realli noe how to enjoy life la!
though ive spent alot alot
but im sure all the happy moments
are wad money cant buy.
so i dont mind ,
therefore dun feel sorry for my pocket ya.
haha.

im looking forward to next few daes,
next few weeks, next few months n
of coz next few years of my life!
i hope it would be pretty n xciting!

im so into teaching nowadays.
went back to naps on fri to teach maths!
realised i used "went back",
haha,
majiam my old sch liddat.
though its maths but its the same la.
a great xperience for me.
its a challenging class
n i tot i handled it pretty well.
kudos!
ppl often tell me,
"wa jess! u gud lei! u found wad u realli like.
u can see ur future. but i cant see mine. sob"
wad i wan to say is dat
u can see ur future
if u work hard enuf to search for the
key dat unlocks the door to ur future.
its the same for me.
perhaps ppl dont noe how much effort
ive put in n how much time ive spent
before i found the right key.
its realli nt easy.
so if u are willing to gif ur bez
im sure u'd find the right key too ya?
always rmb dat
actions speak louder than words.
ya so plz take action n initiative to
look for the key.
it wont come hobbling to u.
aiya im getting so engrossed
in this key thingy i dunno y.

went to cut my hair todae.
haha.
ya cut short.
but not v short la.
above shoulder length.
coz its time to gif it a trim
n also to refresh myself
n remind myself to JIAYOU!

my studies haf been pretty smooth so far.
last sem did quite well.
this sem going smooth too.
my interpretation's ST n CI haf improved alot
according to TK.
cheers!
n the 3 sections for global,
surprisingly all got distinctions!
double cheers!
video still working hard though.
dannyyeo's both presentations got distinctions as well.
triple cheers!
marketing nt too bad ,
believe dat creative project will score.
so overall im so satisfied wif my performance this sem!
didnt noe it will go so smooth.
im sure its the same for all my closed ones too!
they all scored v well too!
some even much better than me!
hey guys,
we should gif ourselves 3 cheers man!
JIAYOU ppl!
this sem muz aim for at least gpa 3.3 ok!
we can de! no prob!

been smsing bel even before i wrote this.
we realli love each other loads.
we juz parted at 11pm
n when we got home
we started smsing till now 3am can u believe it.
shes watching her pasta show juz now den her hk show now.
n im tinking if i shld watch my newly bought vcd later.
if i watch den i dun need slp le.

im so looking forward to tmr's outing!
alfred rox can!
*(to the person dat wrote negative remarks abt alfred:
i juz dun understand wadss going thru dat small brain of urs.
he extended the deadline for the sake of us n im sure we will all benefit frm it,
so y do u wan to make such remarks?
im sure u feel so remorseful now aft reading his email right.
all thanks to u dat hes going back to his usual self.
do u noe it takes so much time for him to finally
brighten up again n now u threw him back into darkness again.
i realli PEI FU you!)

2:13 AM ·

the time now is 2.47am
and here i am, BLOGGING.
how great.

i'll haf to get out of my bed at 6.45am tmr.
god noes if i can wake up on time.
but sumhow i jus haf to.
coz i'll be having 2 tests tmr.

argh shucks.
i realli hate this.
there're simply far too many things for me to study.
furthermore,
i dunno wad the heck global is toking abt.
felt as if
"the words know me but i dont noe them".
this is so pek cek la.
i hate to gif up.
i dont believe in dat.
coz i noe i alr haf the keys in my hands,
its a matter of me wanting to unlock it or not.
but hello.
i cant even find the door now.
how am i supposed to unlock it?
Xin you yu er li bu zu. (correct right?)
feel so helpless right now.
if sumone juz cums n save me frm all these,
no doubt i would be so madly in luv wif him now.
but its always hard to accept the truth.
deres NO ONE.
nt a single soul at all.
i dun mind anyone really.
juz grant me this small lil wish
pretty plz?
i juz need sumbody.
anyone will do.
coz even my dearest small sis went over to
my erjie's room to slp
n tada.
im left all alone in this room of mine.
sry ppl.
im definitely nt being desperate.
perhaps juz this empty feeling inside me.
haf been single for nearly 2 years ok.
n i can forsee
i'll carry on like this for next few years.
pathetic can.
oh well dun tok abt this anymore shall we?

argh.
conlan test tmr.
contemporary language if u dunno wad it means.
20 ques half an hour.
wad de.
how am i supposed to finish it all?
i need time to tink too!
lets see.
30 mins divided by 20 ques.
the average time u can spend on one ques is
1.5mins.
notice dat i didnt minus off the time
u need for "human reaction time" (learnt this in physics).
as in when tcher says start.
u need time to react to dat too right.
den u need to write ur name.
ur student number.
den u need time to start ur engine.
all the above takes time.
so to be exact,
the max time u haf is 25 mins.
if u calculate again,
u onlie haf
1.25 mins at most for one ques.
*faint.

im looking forward to teach in ngeeann pri's star programme!
starting this friday!
i wonder how big one class is.
im starting to feel this strong connection wif naps alr.
especially aft 2 weeks spent in naps
n the warm welcome i recieved frm the tchers
juz made me feel like returning to naps after my NIE training.
alfred saw me the other dae in hms office
n he called me looking so xcited.
n later i found out dat
the principal of naps specially wrote a letter to praise us
for our effort n hardwork put in the camp.
but wad made me realli touched
was dat she actualli mentioned my name frequently in the letter
n praised me for my enthusiasm shown in the camp!
i could see alfred was realli proud of it
n he was telling me abt how "powerful" a principal's letter can be.
he said this letter would add alot of colours to my testi
n would definitely be of great help to me in NIE.
so most likely i would be posted to naps for attachment
n even teach in there for 5 years.
i dun mind seriously.
bryan told me the chinese department in naps is nt dat bad.
n god.
i realli miss bryan.
oh well,
he's 28.
im 18.
28-18=10
10= impossible.
hope i get to see him every fri when i return to naps to teach.
dats all i ask for.

im seriously planning to go for the yep trip this sep.
im realli keen on it.
going to xiamen.
but im facing a prob here.
deres no one to go wif me.
so its either i dun go
or if not i shall go alone n make frens wif the other 27 unfamiliar faces.
the latter sounds better.
i noe my parents worry for me
coz of my medical condition.
but its smth i haf to live wif for the rez of my life.
so im trying nt to let it affect my life u see.
im sure anyone out dere would
see me as a bubbly n full of crap girl
instead of a weakling.
yes dats wad i wan.
i never wan ppl to see the ugly side of me.
n i pray they will nv get to see it.
omg.
my xiamen trip.
a very meaningful trip indeed.
haiz.
"should i stay or should i go?"

time now is 3.37am.
mayb i should catch sum slp?

2:48 AM ·